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A New Year, a Fresh Start

October 21, 2011

We have just begun the year 5772.  The holidays have floated by me in a haze…when I managed to say the customary prayers I felt swamped in guilt.   Especially the sections where we confess to a laundry list of sins…boy could I relate to some of them.  Far too many!  No wonder I had such a hard time getting myself to pray on these holy days – I was ashamed of myself!  The yearly day of judgement came and I was cowering under my bed covers.

I want this year to be different.

Growing up I repeatedly heard that adults are responsible.  Could I be a tad bit in denial at age 28 that I am an adult?  I know that as a teenager I pictured a 28 year old as a real full-fledged grown up.  Having reached this age I still feel so young and unworthy around other adults who are older than me.  (My mind currently pictures the age of 35 to be the official “you’re an adult now” age.)

Last night I lay awake thinking about how when we pass into the next world we are shown our life like a film before us, over and over again.  I tried to shake off the dread and told myself that no one really knows what happens after death – maybe it won’t happen.  Ok…that is one way to ignore the problem.  The real issue here is that I am ashamed of myself!  There are many aspects of my life that need changing.  If there is a film of my life shown before me after this life I certainly want it to be one that I am proud of.  I had better shape up!

Thus this blog was created.  I plan on sharing my failures and successes (G-d willing!) as I strive to improve myself.

~Bluma

What are some ways you are working to improve yourself?  Have you found anything that helps or deters your efforts?

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