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Playing House

October 27, 2011

Where is the dish washing fairy when I need her?

The dishes from yesterday didn’t get done and the dishes from today’s breakfast have piled up alongside them.  I am avoiding them. I am thinking about doing them.  I will be doing them shortly…after I finish typing this post, after I get my son dressed, after I read him a story, after I make him lunch, after…well at least before I make my challah dough I will tackle that pile.

But dish washing takes so long, it makes my feet, tummy and floor wet.  (Yes for some reason I always have my tummy pressed against the counter while washing dishes and I get this oh-so-fashionable water line on my top or robe.) Dish washing can be pushed off for later, other things are more important.  For instance, getting my son dressed! I may be procrastinating doing that too because it always results in a backache.  I have to wrestle with him!  He thinks it is a game and laughs all the while I get lower back spasms.  But I would still dress him before washing the dishes.

I don’t know why washing dishes always feels like such a daunting task to me.  When I actually get down to it though it is a simple, painless and mostly a quick process.  Always quicker than what I imagine it will be…my yetzer hora can really exaggerate sometimes.

I have been married almost four years already, shouldn’t I have my act together?  When is the deadline for chances at becoming a balebusta?

I want to be a balebusta.

I want my family to relax in a clean, orderly house, freshly pressed spotless (not just clean) clothing, a fully stocked fridge and freezer and timely elegant meals three times a day at fixed hours.

A girl can dream right?  A woman can dream, a woman can dream!  Why do I still see myself as a girl?  I feel incompetent when I see some other houses, and I feel a bit better when I see others.  We all have our strengths of course and I want oh-so-badly for running a household to be mine!

I think part of it stems from my perfectionism.

What? How can a perfectionist have a messy house?  I’ll tell you.  I have a difficult time getting myself to perform a task if I have the slightest doubt that it won’t be done perfectly.  Mind you in the meantime I am stressed out that the task hasn’t been done and my house isn’t perfect.

It is a vicious cycle.  Oh and my emotional eating as a result of that stress (among others) just peachy.

I want to adapt the motto of Just Do It!  Sometimes I have overpowered my yetzar hora with that motto and gotten a task done that I had been pushing off.  It felt great to have it done!!  I want to continue to use that mantra, repeating it as often as necessary until my house becomes as gorgeous and well run as the finest balebusta I know, my mother-in-law.

Well, I wish.  I know we aren’t supposed to measure ourselves against anyone else, bla bla bla, more psychobabble.  I think we should do a bit of comparison.  Why?  Well if we don’t compare each other how do we know what to strive for?  Granted, being exactly like someone else is not attainable because there are too many variables, but being similar or emulating positive traits and working on yourself are all good things in my opinion.

May G-d help us develop into the balebustas we would like to be.

~Bluma

Do you feel like you are a girl playing house?  Did you ever feel that way and if so, when did you grow out of it?  How long were you married until you felt you were doing a good job running your home?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Jessica permalink
    November 4, 2011 6:43 pm

    Well, I’m still not married, but I have the same issues starting a task that I know I won’t be able to accomplish to my liking. I’ve talked to a few other perfectionists, and it seems to be a common affliction. And I’ve discovered a propensity for an almost obsessive compulsion with certain tasks, like cleaning, that clashes horribly with my short attention span, so that, when I don’t finish quickly enough, I leave it half-done.

    It’s awful.

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